Growing up and growing old are two entirely different things. The first one labels personality while the latter one emphasizes age. Perhaps I have mentioned it before, but I strongly dislike the idea of growing old. Watching everyone that you spend so much time with die while you keep on aging. Reaching the age where you know that it is too late to achieve what you have been dreaming for. I don’t like any of it.
When I told my mum, she smiled and said that it could be fun living in a retirement home. The image that came to my mind was chatting with other old ladies, drinking tea and playing bingo. I’m sorry, but that is not how I want to spend my last years. Yeah, some might find it fun to live like that, but I would constantly live with the idea that I am just sitting there to die.
It does motivate me, I feel like. Knowing that one day it will be too late for all those dreams of mine, it pushes me to do things. To be more open and socialize. To make plans and to be productive. I don’t like the idea of wasting time, but here I am, chilling all day while I am two units behind on my mathematics homework. I want to learn as much as possible in the little time that life has given me. I want to grow, but I don’t want to age.
And then there’s the fact that I am so grateful for everything as of right now. My friends make school an amazing experience, and my family brightens up the rest of my days. The idea of leaving high school in a year and never seeing 99% of those friends ever again… It honestly frightens the shit out of me. But sure, I will meet new people just like I did when I left primary school. But these people have given me such an amazing time. I don’t want to leave that behind.
You see, I’m quite the sentimental person. I absolutely love nostalgia and I often find myself wishing that I could relive all those moments I’ve had. I like to hold onto things, hold on- A few months ago I found a quote that perfectly fitted to what I feel.
I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight, is because we fear something so great won’t happen twice.
And why I feel like this quote describes my feelings perfectly, is because -as of right now- I feel like there can’t be anything greater than the people around me now.